Men vs. Woman. Who is playing who?

I want to first start off by saying this is not intended to bash either side of the sexes. It is a simple philosophical application of cause and effect in the relationship between men and woman.  So don’t get your panties/boxers in a wad.

Men are predominantly driven by sex. They talk about it, pursue it and think about it relentlessly.  They find it a challenge to talk to a woman without their thoughts drifting off into partaking in sexual activities with her.  They more often than not view woman as an object of their desires or a means to an end (an ejaculation) rather than a friend, a person, a companion or a partner.  This is why a man will relentlessly steer the conversation to be sexual in nature.

Woman, on the other hand are predominantly driven by attention. They dress provocatively, wear makeup, and post sexy pictures of themselves.  They buy undergarments that further enhance their appearance and/or conceal any “undesirable body features”.  They spend their whole life obsessing about their diet and spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on their hair, makeup and beauty products.  Some of them even undergo cosmetic surgery to enhance their appearance to pursue their never ending desire for attention.

Men have begun to expect this behavior from woman.  However, they themselves spend little time concerning themselves with their own physical appearance to attract a woman’s attention.   Do they diet, undergo cosmetic procedures, spend thousands of dollars on appearance enhancing products?  The answer is NO.  They simply don’t have to.  Women are so consumed by attention that if a man with a beer belly or a receding hairline shows them attention they are completely ok forgoing his deficiencies.  If he has enough charm or “game” and shows her attention, he will more than likely get what he wants.

Women are always complaining about men being “players”.   However, more often than not woman are attracted to the “bad boys”.   “Bad boys” are just guys that have mastered the art of giving attention to woman.  Because of this, they can pursue multiple women without any consequence to them. There will always be another woman craving his attention that he is more than willing to delve out.  On the flip side of that, aren’t women themselves being “players”?  When they get a breast augmentation or wear a sexy low cut dress are they not playing a game?

They difference between the man and a woman is “to what end”. What are our actions geared toward or trying to accomplish.  Most men want sex.  It’s as simple as that.  Women want a relationship or a man to care about her and show her attention outside of the bedroom.  Once the sex is over men are left feeling accomplished and woman are often left feeling betrayed.

It seems to me that men are getting what they want and it is the women that are not. Ladies!!!  I can’t stress this enough.  Stop blaming the men.  If you do what you have always done.. You will get what you have always got!  If you want to stop being played, stop playing! If you don’t want a man to see you as just an object of sexual desire, stop obsessing over becoming one.  Be your beautiful self and engage in activities that the man will be forced to get to know you on a friend basis.  Don’t let your activities or conversations be steered into a sexual nature.  Don’t give up the goods!  Be happy with yourself and hold out for the right man to come along.  In the end you will both be happy.

Online Dating Wormhole

I am going to take a minute and share my thoughts about online dating and relationships in general.   After a year on many social media dating sites and discussions with both men and woman on their experiences, it has come to my attention that many of us are going after what we want without taking into consideration our own actions, needs and behavior that may be hindering us from getting what we actually desire. 

If you are the minority, and truly just want to text, flirt and hook up with as many people as possible this does not apply to you.  However, if you are seeking a long term monogamous relationship you might want to continue reading. 

Social media has forever changed the dynamic of modern relationships in comparison to those of the past, such as, our parents and grandparents.  It is so easy to hop online and browse through hundreds of profiles with a critical eye.  We cast aside and delete profiles based on a single small factor that doesn’t fit our perfect criteria.  After all, there are hundreds to choose from. 

In addition, when we do finally secure a date with one of the lucky ones that passed our strict guidelines, it is more of an interview than an actual fun date.  I believe this sets us up for failure.  How can we feel a romantic connection when we are on an interview?  We are sitting opposite from a complete stranger.  This creates stress and an awkward vibe that is hard to overcome.  Many of us, me included, misinterpret this to be a lack of spark.  Not to mention we all put our very best pictures online.  This again, sets us up for failure.  It doesn’t’ matter how great you really do look in person.  If you show up looking less attractive, even in the slightest bit, we are immediately put off.   We are left feeling betrayed and let down.   It doesn’t take much to send us right back where we started with our mouse in our hands searching for the ONE!

After casting many men aside myself, I often wonder if I had met them randomly out in public, could it have been different.    No interview, no judgment of their misrepresented appearance through pictures, just a mutual attraction and having fun.  I think so.

Finally, I want to talk about the addiction.  Yes, the addiction.  At first it’s just curiosity.  We freely email, chat and text.  Exchanging photos and flirt without any inhibitions through the security and anonymity of our phones and computers.  We can be brazen, bold and even naughty at times with a complete stranger.  It puts us in a state of euphoria.   We soon become obsessed with our cyber exchanges.  Each day, we login anxious to see what our inbox may hold.   We become addicted to the constant reassurance that we are wanted.  What happened to trying to find your soul mate?

We end up communicating with so many different people the details of each one fade away.  Who had the two year old?  Was it a girl or a boy? Who was it that worked for Blue Cross and Blue Shield?  Who lived at the beach?  Can’t remember?  It’s because we are flooded with profiles, pictures, information, and names.    Yet, we sit back and wonder, “Why can’t we find the one?”

My answer is, we may already have.  Through our own purposeful actions, we may have simply missed it.

Complacency

Relationships we have with our partners are similar to the ones we have with our cars.  When we buy a brand new car we are filled with excitement as we drive off the showroom floor.  For the next year we take extra special care of it.  We hand wash and wax it weekly taking extra care not to scratch the flawless paint.  We take care when parking to ensure no one could accidently bump it.  We only use premium gas and take it regularly for oil changes and scheduled maintenance.  We would never let anyone eat in it.  We don’t slam the doors or leave it unlocked.  It is our baby.  We are proud of it and take pride in preserving its beauty.

A few years later the newness begins to wear off.  The shine begins to fade along with our excitement.  We start using regular gas.  We begin to skip regular maintenance checks.   We barely make time to drive it through an automated car wash.  We begin eating in it and tossing trash onto the floorboard.  We begin parking in tight spots and often leave it unlocked.

We start to look around and notice all the new shiny cars being driven around us.  We begin to fantasize about getting one for ourselves.  We start to visit local dealerships and consider taking one on a test drive.   Finally, we give into our desire and climb into one for a quick ride.   We are excited and can’t help but play with all the new buttons and updated features.  After test driving a few, we get back into our older car and are overcome with disappointment.   We look around the dash and grimace at the outdated buttons and features that surround us.  This is not what we want.  Some of us can’t control our desires and give up on our old car.  We happily trade it in and find ourselves driving around in a new model.  Our once beloved car is long forgotten.

Some of us take a different approach. We begin to resurrect our cars.  We take it in for maintenance.  Maybe get it new shocks, new brakes,   and maybe even a new paint job.  We plug along for years with one thing breaking after another.  We become frustrated with all the money, time and expense the car is requiring.  We continue anyway.  We once loved this car.

If we are one of the extremely lucky ones and we manage to control our desires something truly remarkable may happen.   One day we walk out into the garage, and what do we see?  We see a classic.  She has aged gracefully.  We see our baby in a whole new light.  She is beautiful, weathered and worn from the many miles we have journeyed together.  Memories of these journeys begin to warm your heart.  Remember when we got stuck on the beach at midnight?  Remember the road trip to the mountains?  Remember the backseat rendezvous?

We begin to appreciate her once again.  We begin to take care of her as we did the first day we drove her off the showroom floor.  We are gentle with her.  We gladly take care of all her needs.  She brings you comfort and contentment that nothing else could replicate.  Even a new shiny model with all the bells and whistles doesn’t compare to her.  She is yours, all yours.  She is a prize well worth all the heartache and disappointment along the way.    She is your best friend and faithful companion and she was well worth the wait.